How to stop caring for someone who doesn’t care about you?

A kick in the ass is a step forward!

Our ability to love,care, display feelings of concern and empathy towards others is what makes our species unique from other living creatures on this earth. As humans we are prone to be social and we like being surrounded by people who love and respect us. There is no denying that we absolutely revel in the appreciation and attention showered on us by the people who are important to us.We also tend to care deeply about these people but sometimes under certain circumstances we may not receive the same measure of love and care as we would like or expect from them.

When you happen to be in a relationship where it seems like you are always the only one putting in a humongous amount of effort to make it work, it would create a lot of emotional and mental turmoil within you and drain you of your resources. This kind of a relationship would inevitably lead to feelings of hurt, disappointment, unworthiness, self-doubt, low self-esteem and insecurity.So, maybe it is time to make some changes in that relationship before it becomes unhealthy or toxic for you.

When you happen to be in a relationship where it seems like you are always the only one putting in a humongous amount of effort to make it work, it would create a lot of emotional and mental turmoil within you and drain you of your resources. This kind of a relationship would inevitably lead to feelings of hurt, disappointment, unworthiness, self-doubt, low self-esteem and insecurity.So, maybe it is time to make some changes in that relationship before it becomes unhealthy or toxic for you.

Consider doing the following to preserve your mental and emotional well being

Let them go

If you have an option of letting go of that person, please do so. As difficult as it might be, because you have shared memories and experiences together, it is better to cut some people from your life. Sometimes, even the people closest to you could be toxic for you and maybe you are at a point in life where you have outgrown that person. If that is the case, bless them and let them go gracefully from your life.

Set clear boundaries

You will love yourself more when you set clear boundaries and learn to say no to anything which you feel will harm or deflect you physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Distance yourself from people whose energy doesn’t vibe with yours and surround yourself with those who truly understand you and spending time with whom will make you feel optimistic and rejuvenated.

Live intentionally

When you are aware of the way you think, feel and act, it will be easier for you to identify negative patterns of thinking and behaviour and consciously choose to think, feel and behave in a way that reflects love and compassion towards yourself. To become more aware of your thoughts and feelings, ask yourself these questions multiple times a day,

  • How am I feeling?
  • What am I thinking?
  • What is making me feel this way?
  • What am I thinking about this situation or person?
  • What am I doing and what is the other person doing?
  • What is in my frame of control? How is this relationship helping me?

And allow yourself to ponder over the answers. Being self aware helps you know yourself better and identify your vulnerabilities and triggers which enables you to handle difficult and uncomfortable situations in an effective manner and let’s you know with what kind of people you need to surround yourself with for your optimal functioning. It will also help you identify the negative traps in your thinking and think more rationally which will also change the way you feel because thoughts and feelings are interconnected.

Communicate clearly

Communication is the most important aspect in relationships. It is necessary to have an open and honest communication in every relationship for it to flourish. Be truthful about your feelings and convey if you have been hurt by the other person. It is also quite effective when you express your feelings of dissatisfaction, disappointment and let them know what you expect out of this relationship. This will bring the much needed clarity into the relationship and you will know what it entails.

Learn to say no

You need to make yourself a priority. You can’t always say yes to everything the other person says. Be ok with saying no when you do not want to do something. Saying no does not mean that you are being rude, insensitive or inconsiderate, it just means that you are being honest and truthful towards yourself and others.

Do not seek other people’s approval

Do not live your life in accordance with other people’s desires and expectations. if you live your life looking for other people’s approval, you will never feel free and truly happy because you can’t satisfy everyone every single time. So, it’s better to live according to your own beliefs and desires. It is after all your life to live!

Focus on what’s in your control

Let’s be real, there are so many things in life you have no control over. As difficult as it is to accept, you can’t control other people’s behaviour and not being able to do so does not make you powerless, it just means that you have to use your power in a different way. Though you have no control over other people, the way you respond to them is absolutely in your control. In fact, that is the only thing in your control. You can choose how you want to respond to a person or a situation. You can allow them to push your buttons or can decide to not let them affect you. Whatever you think is good for you. It’s totally your call!

Love and accept yourself

Loving and putting yourself first is not at all selfish. In fact, it is extremely important to look out for you because the most important relationship you have is with yourself. When you start to accept yourself unconditionally, with all your flaws and strengths you feel secure and comfortable in your own skin. You find it easier to accept that not everybody is going to love you and be ok with it. You don’t attribute every negative phase in a relationship to you. So when a relationship does not work out for whatever reason, you don’t blame yourself for it and let it go gracefully because you know that you always have you to fall back on.

Mirror talk

Louise Hay recommends this powerful exercise in her book, “You Can Heal Your Life”. Stand in front of a mirror, look into your eyes, say your name and ‘__________ I love and accept you exactly as you are’. Do this twice in a day, once in the morning as soon as you get up and at night before you go to bed. Doing this exercise may not be easy for some people at first and even seem really silly but as you start doing it regularly you will find that it becomes easier to look into your eyes and say the words. As you continue doing this exercise on a regular basis, you will notice that you are less critical and more accepting of yourself which will also increase your self worth. You will appreciate yourself for who you are and will embrace you as a whole, with your good as well as not so good qualities and you value. yourself enough to let go of the people who don’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

Surround yourself with people who make you feel good

We are influenced to a certain extent by the people we spend most of our time with. So, try to be around people who support your dreams and ambitions, are open minded, non judgemental and inspiring. Be with people who make you feel happy and energised after spending time with them. This would not only enrich your life but would also leave no room for you to be with people who drain you off your energy.

Engage in activities you enjoy

Enroll in a new hobby, workout, volunteer at a shelter or work with homeless children. This will not only allow you to do things where you believe you are making some sort of a difference and are also putting your skills and abilities to use and helps you be productive but it also helps you stay away from people who don’t prioritise you.

Visualise

If you are finding it difficult to let go of the person, try this simple and powerful act of visualisation. Sit in a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed, relax your mind and close your eyes. Imagine that you are blessing that person and are walking away from them with a smile on your face and imagine being surrounded by people who uplift you. Do this practice everyday and with time you will find it easier to let go and not hold onto that person.