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How To Not Think About Infertility?
Having your own child is an experience in itself. It is a moment that, perhaps, each individual wants to experience in life. Since individuals of this era procreate for their happiness, it becomes an even more vital desire of theirs which they cannot simply part with. Unfortunately, we all are just pawns of fate. Some find themselves in a lucky position to be able to get a new life in this world, while others remain devoid of this bliss. Although advancement in science and technology has also come to enable humans to take such matters, as child birth, in their hands, sometimes our fate does not favour us. This, indeed, is very distressing. Even going through complicated procedures of testing and treatment for that matter, having opted for facilitating reproduction, is not any less bothersome. But the bottom line is that one has to accept what is coming one’s way to be able to progress in life in a healthy and happy way.
Understanding Infertility As A Crisis?
When a couple discovers for the very first time about their inability to conceive, they go through an array of emotions- surprise/shock, denial, guilt, shame, depression, anger, hostility, and what not. Obviously, one is bound to be shaken from head to toe when such dreams are shattered. Such a thing is least expected by anyone. On top of that, infertility is such a stigma in our society that the couple who are still grieving about their inconsolable loss have to prepare themselves to hear absurd, unwelcoming advises simply hurled at them. In this state, when they are in dire need of emotional support, the couple have to listen to and follow, though reluctantly, every Tom, Dick and Harry.
The problem aggravates when the couple starts dealing with this grave situation individually. Research says that when a couple fails to conceive, each one of them starts to introspect. They dive into their past, finding reasons for their infertility. Eventually, they hold themselves to be at fault owing to certain decisions they made concerning pregnancy, and certain past mistakes that may just be unrelated to the entire situation. Subsequently, conflicts start to arise in their relationship because one feels that the other is devoid of this happiness, which is his right, because of him. Therefore, the infertile partner may distance himself from the other one, and may even be willing to break away from marriage for the other’s sake. Conversely, the fertile partner may behave in a way creating an environment conducive for separation. In some cases, the couple may individually come to feel that the other person is not as emotionally affected as them, and this too creates trouble in paradise.
It goes without saying that in such a state of shock, denial and depression come in handy. And as these creep in, relations start to crumble from within, if these are not dealt with appropriate. In order to cope with the anxiety associated with the crisis, the couple withdraw from all behaviors and activities that remind them of their incapacity. Not only do they distance themselves from physical intimacy, which effects their own bond, they also break ties with the society, which they may perceive is oblivious to their excruciating pain. They may stop socializing with their friends who have become parents, and may also turn their backs on their family, out of the fear of facing them with no solution at hand. All in all infertility is a major life-crisis that comes with its own set of psychological and emotional problems:-
How To Cope With Infertility?
So, after several hesitations it was revealed to you that you cannot conceive! You weeped… You whined… You cursed yourself… You slipped into depression…You brought yourself together….You approached medical intervention…You failed…You were shattered again…You fell into that vicious cycle of despair, disgust, distress, depression once again…You weep and whine incessantly…You are inconsolable….But….What next! Do you choose to remain so till eternity?Why?
It is universally accepted that infertility is one of the most agonizing losses humans can ever endure. But we really are powerless here. We cannot rectify the situation. But we can certainly accept it. It is the only way we can emerge out of the excruciating pain that we endure endlessly. Life is too short and too precious to come to a standstill by such catastrophes. We have to learn to progress no matter what.
Have you been experiencing this grief for a long time now and want to get out of this now? Congratulations! You have already taken the first step. To solve a problem, one primarily needs to first gather all his inner strength and accept it, no matter how much it hurts, and be willing to fight. Now, that you have accomplished the hardest part of the task, you need to acknowledge the loss as belonging to you as a couple. Yes, no matter who is incapacitated, you are in this together, and therefore, you need to fight this battle together, because no one understands your grief more than your better-half. So support each other. Proceeding forward, you need to start doing stuff that makes you truly happy. Meanwhile, temporarily, you can withdraw from situations that remind you of your grief. Once you have made peace with your suffering, and are no more triggered by anything around you, you can go about your ways. If you really feel the need of a little one in your life, then why not think about adopting one. There are lakhs of humans out there who do so, and they are extremely happy and satisfied with their decision. You really don’t have to have a biological child to be able to experience this aspect of life. That said, if you are not confident about taking such a major step, even then it’s okay. There are countless others who choose to remain childless and still are able to live their lives happily, without any remorse. Make important considerations while taking any decision. Do what makes you happy.
Tried everything but just cannot get out of your sadness? Dealing with such crises can really be back breaking. We understand you and your grief. All you have to do is take a step ahead. A step towards your happiness. A step towards Therapy 1on1. We strive for your health! We strive for your happiness! Coz your life is definitely